Feel disconnected from your partner and get caught up in seemingly pointless arguments at times? A negative balance on your 'love accounts' might be the culprit here.
- Deposits - actions that make you or your partner feel loved, heard, seen, understood, appreciated e.g. saying thank you for the small things, giving your undivided attention when your partner is talking to you, organising a surprise date night or doing a chore your partner normally does without being asked. They deepen your sense of connection and intimacy.
- Withdrawals - actions of that make you or your partner feel dismissed, taken for granted, unsupported, misunderstood e.g. not getting up from your laptop to greet your partner when they get home, dismissing something your partner is excited about, going on your phone during a date night, nitpicking or not taking your fair share of household responsibilities . These pull you further apart.
Some of these actions could be so small, they might seem irrelevant, but they all add up in your subconscious.
When the relationship has a healthy positive balance in the love accounts, we tend to give our partner the benefit of a doubt, trust them and feel more understanding or empathetic towards them, which leads to fewer instances of conflict or healthier resolution when conflict does arise.
When the love accounts are in the red, relationship is in the negative state, some resentment has built up and we are more likely to notice and fixate on our partner's faults/imperfections. Small disagreements might get blown out of proportion.
This is your sign to start managing your love accounts proactively!